I am increasingly irritated with the Childfree Hardcore LJ community. I posted an entry about a woman musing whether to have more children (a 4th). There have been similar entries from others concerning overpopulation and/or large families (example: “Octomom”), so I thought it relevant. Apparently not, according to some commenters.
I find it strange that a community that exists for people who do not wish to have children has become a place to post about anything regarding other people having children. This isn’t an anti-overpopulation comm, even though a lot of it’s members are VHEMT members and the like. How does this directly relate to you being childfree? Yes, having four children is selfish, and I’m sure we all agree on that. You’re kind of preaching to the choir, here.
Yes, I thought members might like to read and debate it?
I come to this comm precisely because I don’t have to pretend that I give a shit one way or the other if people have kids. Because I really don’t. As long as the sproggen don’t get up in my face or ruin a movie for me, I don’t care if you have one or a baker’s fuckin’ dozen. Just keep that shit away from me. And frankly, how is this about being CF (hardcore or otherwise)? I mean if you want to talk about whether her waffling makes it harder for others to seek sterilization, that’s relevant to those of us in the comm who have been bingoed and denied reproductive rights. But asking if her decision is greedy? If I’m going to ask parents to refrain from considering my reproductive choices to be “greedy” or “selfish” – I figure I owe them the same consideration when it comes to their choices. So long as she can afford the kid and isn’t going to abuse it horribly how is this our damn business?
Most community entries are gripes about various children’s bad behavior! Also reproductive choices – in this case, having a lot of children – do affect others, in that it means there are fewer resources to share, and taxpayers will end up supporting those children in some way, such as (in Australia) through the baby bonus or government-funded health care (Medicare).
The community is not “hardcore” enough for me anymore (as in Pentti Linkola hardcore). There is inconsistency on what topics can be posted, and posts may be deleted at the whim of the moderators. There is much complaining about how child-centric society is, how women are judged by whether or not they have children, rights to contraception and abortion, a lot of examples of bad parenting, and so on. All of which I agree with. But if topics such as forced sterilization are brought up (an example being drug-addicted women who keep having children while on welfare) it brings down the wrath of the community. Rule №9: “This community, along with being pro-reproductive rights and against fat wank, does not endorse the idea that a group of people are inferior, evil, scary, or generally deserve to have their reproductive rights taken away for the good of society.” I disagree with the “reproductive rights” – as society usually ends up paying for the actions of irresponsible mothers in the form of welfare, society does have a right in this case to take away her means of having children (or more children if she already has any). There is too much emphasis on rights – identity politics – and not enough on responsibilities in our society, an issue that seems to elude a lot of forum members.
I will not bother to post there anymore; a lot of members come across as snarky bitchy females. I encountered those types at school; I do not want to have to tolerate them on the Internet. I have yet to find a community to my liking (there are none on LJ that I know of).
[Edit: I deleted the entry then quit the community. Here is a screenshot of the entry, just over 1 MB.]
“Is it greedy to want a large family?”, The Age, 19/1. The original article which got me irate. To repeat what I said in the LJ entry: This columnist is mulling over whether to have another child (she has 3 already). My opinion: yes, it is greedy! She lives in a 1st-world country where her children are virtually guaranteed to survive to adulthood, and with access to birth control, so large families in this case are a selfish indulgence. Most people’s genes are not so special that they need to produce multiple offspring. There is also the damage multiple births do to a woman’s body. Most of her commenters (linked in the article) show the same selfishness, and encourage her to have another (there are a very few dissenting comments concerned about overpopulation).
Educating women and giving them access to family planning and contraception is generally supposed to result in them having smaller families (1-2 children), or no children. Unfortunately, in Australia this effect seems to be reversing!
